I came to the horrible realization yesterday that we’re in the middle of April. It can’t be April! I was begging for it to not be February
just yesterday, right? Sadly, much of my 2007 Goals list remains untouched for a variety of reasons…not the least of which is I don’t know where March went.

Part of the problem has been motivation. Part of it has been trying to get myself to resolve some professional issues (which remain unresolved, and that’s definitely starting to take its toll). Mostly, it’s just been trying to find my feet and a little inspiration.

Getting sick seemed to be very helpful with that second one. Once I stopped falling asleep when trying to watch 20-minute cartoons, I found myself addicted to Top Design. It reminded me of some habits I used to have that seem to have been lost over the past few years.

I’ve lost my will to design… Ironically, if you look at the title of this blog, I consider myself a designer. But I’m a designer who has really stopped designing, and I have no idea why. I’m trying to drum design habits back into my routine. I now carry a notebook and a sketch book in my bag. I’ve even added a bag with nothing but my colored pencils and a pencil sharpener in case I want to design in color. I’m debating just going to a sketch book for all my design needs, but I really prefer to write on lined paper and it’s hard to find a journal that will have lined paper where I need it and unlined paper where I need it.

I’m just a tough nut to crack!

It seems to be working, though. I’m very close to pulling out my sketchbook and drawing out the furniture pieces I want for my room, and even to design a layout for the room…maybe solidify the main scheme I’ve been longing for. My writing notebook(s) are slowly filling up with ideas and explorations of twisting old story plots and interactive fiction.

Maybe I can reclaim this part of myself by the end of the year. Otherwise, I’m going to have to change the name of this website!

Posted by Rebecca in Personal development